6mm-Minis

6mm-Minis is Maksim-Smelchak's blog to discuss gaming, miniatures, books, movies, food, Israel, Judaism, life in general and other funny crud. My favorite scale of miniatures is 6mm, which is also called 1/285 or 1/300 scale. I enjoy many different kinds of games including ancients, Napoleonics, WWI, WWII, the Arab-Israeli conflict, Car Wars AKA Autoduel (a sort of crash'n'derby automobile combat game), 6mm Godzilla AKA Kaiju games, and science fiction games. I'm open to everything though!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

HUMOUR: Catskills Classics!

Hi Everyone,

My friend Mark Steinberg AKA "Leadfool" is always sending me amusing things... jokes, stories, observations, witticisms, quotes of famous people, etc. I enjoyed these ones too much to NOT share them...

(A hat tip to Mark's friend Stephen for sharing them with him!)

You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days, viz., Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others.

You've probably heard of them before, but don't you miss their humor?

Not one single swear word in their comedy. Here are some samples:

* There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night!
- I finally had to let her out.

* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?"
- The man says, "I make a good living."

* I just got back from a pleasure trip.
- I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years.
- If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!

* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
- "Honey, I'm home!"

* We always hold hands.
- If I let go, she shops.

* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night...
- Only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed.
- My wife called it the Dead Sea.

* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
- Then the mud fell off.

* The doctor gave a man six months to live.
- The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months .

* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."
- Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
- Patient: "I AM 60!"
- Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

* A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest.
- The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?"
- The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
- Doctor: "Don't answer!"

* A drunk was in front of a judge.
- The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
- The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

* A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday."
- The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?"
- The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"

* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
- They're worth it.

* I wish my brother would learn a trade, so...
- I would know what kind of work he's out of.

* The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much.
- The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.

* There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.
- In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

* Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
- A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

* Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess horror movie?
- A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."

* Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
- A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

* Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
- A: Facing Bloomingdale's.

* A man called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?"
- "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
- The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
- She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
- The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
- The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."

* A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play.
- She asks, "What part is it?
- The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband."
- The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

* Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
- A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."

* Short summary of every Jewish holiday:
- They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.

* Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said "Lady I haven't eaten in three days."
- "Force yourself," she replied.

* Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
- A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

In the early Twentieth Century, the Catskill Mountains were known for large number of humour resorts and you can learn more about the Catskill Mountains here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catskills

And the Jewish comedy resorts were collectively known as the "Borscht Belt"... you can learn more about them here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borscht_Belt

Some of the best known and loved comedians (...and a few of the most disliked ones) in the world cut their teeth in the "Borscht Belt" including:

Joey Adams, Woody Allen, Morey Amsterdam, Milton Berle, Shelley Berman, Al Bernie, Mel Brooks, Lenny Bruce, George Burns, Red Buttons, Sid Caesar, Jack Carter, Myron Cohen, Norm Crosby, Bill Dana, Rodney Dangerfield, Phyllis Diller, Betty Garrett, Shecky Greene, Buddy Hackett, Mickey Katz, Danny Kaye, Alan King, Robert Klein, Jack E. Leonard, Jerry Lewis, Jackie Mason, Jan Murray, Carl Reiner, Don Rickles, Joan Rivers, Freddie Roman, Jackie Vernon, Jackie Wakefield, Jonathan Winters, and Henny Youngman.

Have a great Thursday!

Shalom,
Maksim-Smelchak.

P.S.
Many thanks to Wikipedia!

Notes regarding photos / pictures: These are not all my images. I am using various images from around the web, mostly from public sources and/or private sources used with permission. I have tried to include only images under public domain, creative commons, or fair use. If I have inadvertently violated any copyrights, please inform me and I will remove your image/s (if it is indeed an infringement).

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